he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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