im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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