Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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