Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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