I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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