no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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