we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
50% drunk capacity currently
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
