I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk is not a location!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
