I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
