Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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