omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
