I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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