So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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