Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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