So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
