Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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