I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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