I can't watch pbs sober anymore
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
