you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize