im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
