Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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