I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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