She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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