Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
