All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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