this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
