apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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