Will you blow on my dice?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
