Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread