I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
handjob tips. give me some.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in