My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??