My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin