thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
