seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
