she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
