I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?