Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino

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  (630): But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino http://tfl.nu/qzo5
  Replies (8) Good night (654) Bad night (2960)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge

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  (401): The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge http://tfl.nu/3yfn
  Replies (32) Good night (621) Bad night (5016)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.

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  (404): I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head. http://tfl.nu/lfdj
  Replies (104) Good night (17851) Bad night (1028)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

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  (905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz
  Replies (40) Good night (5379) Bad night (1476)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  splinters make it hard to masturbate

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  (713): splinters make it hard to masturbate http://tfl.nu/uhm3
  Replies (20) Good night (861) Bad night (6775)
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  (310): View more from California

  Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.

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  (310): Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though. http://tfl.nu/8195
  Replies (21) Good night (7795) Bad night (1143)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.

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  (512): I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw. (1-512): Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid. http://tfl.nu/p25a
  Replies (16) Good night (4177) Bad night (1300)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.

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  (617): creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack. http://tfl.nu/jtst
  Replies (3) Good night (1054) Bad night (4254)
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  (315): View more from New York

  My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.

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  (315): My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw. http://tfl.nu/z7bn
  Replies (10) Good night (3460) Bad night (1043)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen

  (845): View more from New York

  That would be so convenient

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  (845): Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen (845): That would be so convenient http://tfl.nu/c28s
  Replies (12) Good night (3029) Bad night (933)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.

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  (979): There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer. http://tfl.nu/lpls
  Replies (6) Good night (2532) Bad night (606)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.

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  (419): They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that. http://tfl.nu/gjrr
  Replies (11) Good night (4825) Bad night (698)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced

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  (509): He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced http://tfl.nu/0gfy
  Replies (7) Good night (1540) Bad night (561)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED

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  (507): THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED http://tfl.nu/xpsw
  Replies (10) Good night (574) Bad night (1327)
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  (235): View more from

  if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?

  (366): View more from

  except your soul

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  (235): if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right? (366): except your soul http://tfl.nu/vptx
  Replies (1) Good night (413) Bad night (540)

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