Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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