she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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