My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
foreskin is a definite game changer
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
