good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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