Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
