fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
