Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize