Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
