Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
