I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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