In America we eat man semen.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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