Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
