I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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