I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
