So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
