So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize