If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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