and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
