imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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