oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
