Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize