You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
