someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
