Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
