no, he came in my armpit
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I have post one night stand depression
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