it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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