the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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