Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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