see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
