when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize