I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
